Hello World! Hope y’all had a lovely weekend, my weekend was incredibleeeeee! I spent the weekend in Singapore dancing my face off at the Ultra Music Festival. Do you ever have those moments when you just stop and think about how happy you are in that exact time and place? It’s feels like time stops and you kind of leave your body for a second. Hard to explain, anyways, I do and I did as I was dancing in the crowd to Steve Aoki. In that moment and many others at the festival, I could not have been happier with my decision to buy tickets and do something I’ve always wanted to do. This the first music festival I’ve been too and after this weekend, I’m really start to ask myself why I never went to one before. But I know why, one main reason being fear. Fear of doing things alone and feeling uncomfortable. Before I moved to Vietnam and started this new journey, I would have NEVER done half the things I do here back home in the U.S. To start, I did not fully know how to be alone. I felt very self conscious and uncomfortable whenever I had to do things by myself. I know this is how many people feel and it’s totally natural. When you’re doing something alone, you feel like everyone around you knows it and that they’re judging you, totally being like “Oh that girl is DEFINITELY alone”. We all have had these thoughts and if you haven’t, I applaud you. I still have moments like this all the time here in ‘Nam but I’m working on being better at being on my own. It’s a day by day process trust me, but every day gets better especially when you start to feel comfortable enough to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. For example, going to your first music festival.
When I decided to move to Vietnam and start this journey, it was mostly because I wasn’t happy with my life back home. Yes, I have amazing friends and family with whom I love spending time with but something was missing. I have always wanted to travel, I’m the girl who asked for her passport for her 16th birthday. I did get my passport that year but did I use it anytime soon? Nope but I liked having it in case the opportunity presented itself. I tried so many times to convince my parents to let me be an exchange student somewhere, anywhere, but they did not buy it. The desire to travel continued to grow and grow inside of me until I couldn’t resist it anymore. That plus I was tired of letting fear rule my life. Buffalo, I love you, you are my home but (this sounds cliche) I knew I needed to get out and see what the world had to offer me and I’m totally on my way to finding it.
I’m starting with finding happiness. I’ve never been more selfish in my life than how I am now but I genuinely believe that we all need to be a little selfish sometimes, especially when we are young. Before I started this journey, I was in a long-term relationship, doing what I thought was best for my person and I. Was I happy? Yes, completely, until one day I wasn’t anymore. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love or care for that person anymore, I just needed time to be on my own and be unconditionally selfish. My parents raised me to always think of others and to be a kind, caring person. I can’t thank them enough for that (love you mama!!) but I’m learning that sometimes we all could use some time in our lives to be a little selfish, to truly figure out what we want out of this life. Now I’m not saying to just walk around being an asshole to everyone because you want to be selfish, no. Being selfish is a choice and the choices we make in life have consequences. I chose to move to a foreign country and my selfish actions have consequences like not seeing my family, missing precious moments and being crazy home-sick sometimes. I look at it this way, although I miss those people so much, I know I’m doing what will make me be a happier, more authentic Kara in the future and I’m happy with that decision right now. Things could change, they always do. Sometimes for better or for worse but I am learning that happiness is a choice. Your perspective, your thoughts, opinions, beliefs are all a choice. You only live once right so I’m choosing happiness. It is an everyday work in progress but I’m on this journey with a purpose so I’m not going to let myself down and I hope y’all don’t either! Rob Dyrdek says “make your own luck” but the boots says “make your own happiness” 🙂